Teaching Children Obedience is Challenging

                                                Elizabeth (1 1/2) & Jayden (5)

For several years now, temper tantrums have been prevalent in my household.  I know that I am not alone, but I decided to experiment and try a different approach in dealing with my 5 and 2 year old's outbursts. 

First, speak calmly, but also be firm.  By using a certain tone while creating boundaries, your child may be more inclined to follow, rather then push you away.

Second, show respect.  Children tend to do what you do, not what you say.  If you are able to demonstrate respect, it will be easier for your child to absorb the concept of respect and show you the same in return.

Third, be consistent.  I can't count on hand how many times I have not followed through with what I was saying to my children.  By doing so, they test your limits and even your authority.  Being consistent and not giving in when your child throws a tantrum will leave them realizing that there is no other option but to obey. 

And lastly, Fourth, reward positive behavior.  This has worked wonders in our house by using a dry erase board marking each day with good and bad behavior.  Jayden knows that 5 'star days' will result in a trip to Chuckie Cheese!  

It will not be easy trying to implement new ideas, especially if it means change.  I have to admit that we struggled for about a week and a half, but now the consistency of it overall has resulted in much better days!

TODAY Shares Tricks to Chill Out

Seventy percent of mom's admit that it is incredibly stressful to be a mother.  

Check out these tricks to chill out.

What Every Parent Needs to Know

 

Most people assume that families that are well educated and had more money are happier, or at least I thought so.  Well according to author David Code, his research found that wealthier families suffered more from stress.  Code counseled wealthy familes and found out firsthand that:

 

• A successful graphic designer had a daughter with ADHD who had been rejected by several private schools she had applied to.
• An entrepreneur practiced attachment-parenting with her son for years, including “babywearing” the child on her shoulder or back, and sleeping with him. But her son constantly threw tantrums, and his parents later divorced.
•  Several successful company presidents had children who barely finished high school.
• Even the relatively normal families I visited often had children with allergies, asthma, learning disabilities, ADHD, or mood disorders, and many were on medication.(Minow, D., Interview: David Code on How Parental Stress is Toxic for Kids)

The more research Code performed on families and stress, the more indication it gave him that infact the level of stress on families can become toxic.  Here is what Code believes every parent needs to know:

 

1) Kids pick up on everything, especially our stress and anxiety

2) This happens both in the womb and throughout childhood

3) The mind-body connection is a primal link between every parent and child

4) This mind-body connection contributes to problems in every family—it’s just a question of degree: from colic and food allergies to asthma and autism

5) This pattern is already epidemic in America, and it’s getting worse

6) This is not the mother’s or father’s fault. Today’s parents are more stressed-out because our social support networks are dwindling, and we don’t realize that, as our isolation increases, it drives up our stress levels. (Minow, D., Interview: David Code on How Parental Stress is Toxic for Kids)

If you enjoyed reading this you can read more at: http://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/moviemom/2011/09/interview-david-code-on-how-parental-stress-is-toxic-for-kids.html#ixzz2yzaEEtrc

Parenting reaches a new and challenging level when your child begins school.  For me, well the ultimate challenge was when my son Jayden had to switch to a different school mid-year.  However, it was already a struggle in September when my 5 year-old entered Kindergarten, it had just gotten progressively worse. 

Since Day 1, Jayden struggled with following directions.  This comes with the territory of him being a toddler that much I knew.  But what I didn't know was how to deal with it.  His behavior got me thinking about how to correct this problem in school and at home.  It was a big problem at home, Lord knows we still have our days.  But I was able to implement positive discipline which helped Jayden transform his bad behavior into good behavior.

First and foremost, I needed to correct my attitude.  I was getting so frustrated with him for not listening that I would lose my cool and it would only make matters worse.  I have even come to the realization that I ultimately have to lower my expectations.  After all, he is only five and while he is learning about the world and how to communicate in it, there are still going to be "those days".  Some other helpful tips to help adjust a toddler's behavior I learned from Parenting.com..... Hope this helps you too!

Be calm

Be confident

Be connected

Avoid negativity

Congratulate good behavior

Issue gentle reminders

Present choices

Don't ask, tell.

Invite input

Count to ten

Say "please" & "thank you"

Focus your message

Follow through

Communication is Key for NJ Parent Link

Njparentlink.nj.gov offers an abundance of support services for families in New Jersey.  These resources include:

• Food Assistance
• Income and Mortgage Assistance
• Affordable and Temporary Housing
• Unemployment and Disability Benefits
• No Cost/Low Cost Medical Insurance
• Child Support and Child Care Assistance

Since 2011, The State of New Jersey Parent Link (The Early Childhood, Parenting and Professional Resource Center) focuses on meeting the information and needs of resources for expectant parents and families with young children (newborns to young adulthood).  Their goals are, but not limited to, improving the communication capabilities between public and private sectors. Also to provide the IT foundation for interagency service collaborations and policy development. 

Being in the Moment

The world today as we know it has become a digital world.  Everything from getting our news and weather updates, to streaming videos and live music, paying our bills, and even socially interacting with family and friends has revolved around the internet.  Aside from tablets and laptops, I believe smartphones are the most popular among moms for accessing the web.  

I know for myself I don't own a tablet or a laptop, so I am constantly using my smartphone for various things.  This may not always be a good thing, especially when you are trying to parent small children.  According to research, there has become a new classification for moms who use social media on their smart phones:  the distracted parent.  Cell phones are distancing parents from their children who are right in front of them.  They are taking the parent's attention away from the child creating unsafe supervision, social interaction, communication, and emotional bonding.

It's hard to see the effects it may have on your child when you get an alert on your cell phone and you take a moment to check it and respond to whatever it may be.  It only takes a second for an accident, and only takes a couple minutes for your child to feel as if you are ignoring them or not giving them your undivided attention.

What message are we sending our kids? That the things on our phones are more important than they are?  It occurred to me that I'd much rather be in the moment and enjoy my children than staring down at a small screen being distracted from life.  

Let Your Toddler Be a Part of the Home

As you watch your children grow, you are growing as a mother.  You have to learn how to be creative and patient, even when you just don't have it in you.  Being a parent becomes a learning experience that will continue until your child is grown.  

Get your child involved in the home.  This is something I have learned to be a useful tool, and makes your child feel appreciated and more a part of the family.  I started a chore chart with my son, we are only on day 3, but it seems to be working out pretty well.  Help with the dishes is always nice!

Here are the top 6 ways to keep your toddler busy AND happy:

1. Washing Food-

Have your child wash a few pieces of vegetables while you are preparing and cooking a meal.  This gives your little one a chance to 'play' with water and take some responsibility.  If it's one thing I know my kids enjoy, it's finding any excuse to play with water.

2.  Cleaning-

This one you could take advantage of with anything in the house, from sweeping with a broom, or to just simply clean around the house with a rag.

3.  Fun with food coloring-

You can simply use anything around the kitchen or the house and mix in food coloring.  I like to use

4. Mixing food in a bowl-

Let your child stir up some flour and sugar in a bowl, and mix in some water and let them play around with textures.

5. Coloring!-

Children love to color in coloring books, but have a tendency to easily get bored with it.  I thought of buying a couple papers of poster board.  Let them be creative using crayons, colored pencils, and markers.  You don't have to color within the lines this way!

6. Pouring water in different sized bowls-

You can use 3 or 4 different sized bowls, fill them with different amounts of water and let your child explore pouring the water from one to another.  This would make for a fun outdoor summer activity!

Source: http://www.momtastic.com/author/pbadmin/

Recognizing & Understanding Stress is Key

Being a parent is one of the most joyous and rewarding experiences, but there are times in your life when the demands of being a mom can leave you feeling nothing but stressed.  The tension of caring for children can leave you feeling anxious, moody, uneasy, or just simply stressed out.  This is inevitable and completely normal, but everyone needs to find their own way of coping with stress so they don't feel completely overwhelmed.


The effects of stress can be physical, mental, and emotional.  These symptoms can leave you feeling overwhelmed with your daily life.  Stress can effect you physically, feeling tired, getting an upset stomach, frequent headaches, having reoccurring colds, or trouble sleeping.  Mentally, stress can cause you to feel pressured, difficulty focusing or concentrating, and having trouble making decisions.  And lastly, emotionally you may have feelings of frustration, anger, tension, anxiousness, or be more aggressive. 


Some common signs of stress:

• May leave you worrying about everything.  
• You may find it hard to tolerate your children.  
• Not sleeping enough.
• Not feeling well (headaches and aches and pains).
• Feeling like you're not able to manage daily things, such as finances and family routines.
• Feeling like you're not spending enough time with your partner and/or children.
• Finding yourself drinking too much alcohol , smoking too much, or using other drugs.

Recognize and understand what causes stress!  This is how we learn and find ways of handling life's problems.  Below are some tips that can help relieve stress after realizing and understanding our feelings.

• Take time away for yourself.
• Maintain good health with a good diet and exercise regularly. 
• Try to avoid fatigue by going to sleep a little earlier.
• Get involved in community programs designed for parents and children.
• Talk to someone, professionally or even just a friend.
• Learn of ways to unwind to manage the tension.
• It's okay to say if you're feeling pressured, tense or drawn out at the end of a busy day.
• Practice, practice, practice-time management.

So Lets Start Blogging!

Has life ever thrown you a "curveball", and you didn't know how to handle it?  Mine was being blessed with children at an early age.  Becoming a mother at a young age forced me to be selfless and much more mature than I was prepared for.  Nothing can ever prepare you for motherhood.  Sure you can read all the baby books like the ever so popular "What to Expect When You're Expecting", but what you come to realize after the baby arrives is that being a mom, well, it's self taught more than anything.  A lot more of what I've learned as a parent didn't come from a book, it came from trial and error.  But there has been quite a bit that has come from the knowledge and experience of other people in my life, particularly moms.  Being able to relate to someone who had gone through the uncertainties and challenges that come with being a new mom meant so much more to me than reading books.

My goal for this blog is to talk about the every day struggles a mother may go through, in hopes to make that connection from one parent to another with helpful tips and tricks for parenting.  Let's be real, there's no better way to learn of your stories and experiences than blogging.  Mothers!  Feel free to share your parenting experiences, struggles, life long lessons, or just simple stories.  It's way more productive to share stories and receive feedback than it is to simply read a book!